User blog comment:Actuin/Beta Roblox./@comment-40123976-20190719225828/@comment-28527909-20190720025828

It's not your fault, don't beat yourself up over it too much. It's not bad for a first story, and with both time and practice you can improve. You put effort into it, and that's what's important. As far as I can tell, most of the reviews aren't very in depth; so here's one of my own.

Based off of your sentence structures and the way you use diction, the reader can infer that you are young or that you are practicing the English language. You have some run on sentences, mainly those that are before or after the ellipses. You forgot to add some periods, and there are grammar and spelling issues.

For now, I recommend looking into the different types of sentences, proper capitalization, and proper grammar.

As I mentioned, this is very good despite having been your first story. The concept is fresh and there are lots of details incorporated, which strengthens the story's imagery.

Keep writing, you'll get better!