Talk:Moonlit/@comment-30144972-20170621234906

I've quickly skimmed over the story. An interesting concept so far.

First of all, the verb tenses are inconsistent. You constantly keep switching from past tense to present tense. Considering the intro taking place in the present (the protagonist writing the story), you should keep your verbs in past tense.

Secondly, try to avoid sentences starting with the same word (in this case, the word "I"). It makes reading the story repetitive and it could impact on how the reader feels when reading the story and how it excites them.

I'll do my old set up for a review/analysis when you've completed the story. For now, continue putting your heart and soul in when writing this story.