Talk:Darkness falls.../@comment-25593679-20150926004031

I probably won't fix the rest, but please remember to add a space after commas and don't spam your sentences with them either. Read your story aloud and at the locations where it sounds odd, add a period and complete your thoughts before going on to the next ones. Also, there's some problems with what tense you're speaking in, since this takes place this past summer but you're writing as if it's going on now. These are the main problems I've noticed, but otherwise it's written very nicely and I urge you to keep up the good work.