Talk:FACEFREAZE/@comment-34411273-20180203152903

One word. Unoriginal. This is basically like all the stories about a spooky character on Roblox who somehow messes with the protagonist's computer. I would highly recommend trying to think of something original and put more time into it. This isn't scary in any way since I've seen this a million times before. Something original would be scary. You have very nice grammar though. I'm only writing something this long because I want to help you in the future. Can you be more in-depth with what the beast did? You could either make it longer, explaining why FACEFREAZE is so insecure, as what I can gather. You can do some type of thing where he's bullied in real life, but he used Roblox to escape reality. He bought Robux immediately because he wanted to seem like a "pro". That could be why he had the Midnight Jester and the Tired Face. It ended up becoming the same as reality, making him extremely desperate for friends. That could be the reason why he annoys the chat while begging for friends. More backstory for characters makes them more interesting. You do have a chance to redeem this, just make it more in-depth. That's my tip. Inspiration is a good source. I actually read a story about someone stalking someone else on Roblox, and it gave me the idea for my story, Lillian.

Keep writing, keep improving. I'd say this is a 3/10.