Thread:ThatCatJizo/@comment-33319614-20180903141931/@comment-34979284-20180908091436

X Spranp wrote: [//robloxcreepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Supahmen111 https://robloxcreepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Supahmen111] Ok, here's a review of your crappy- I mean... creepypasta. Not trying to be mean, but I still don't think it's a good pasta, even after the update.

REVIEW:

There's still an unbelievable amount of cliches.

"I was once playing roblox, suddenly. someone called: Supahmen111 joined and said "Hi!", i said hi back and i got teleported to a game called: "I told you not to say hi." by Supahmen111"

'Woah. That was quick. Something paranormal happened in the first 2 sentences.'

"I was once playing roblox"

That was a REALLY short introducton.

"I got scared and left"

'Oh ok. '

"but I couldn't leave"

'Wait, but you just said you left... And you should capitalize the first word of every sentence.'

"I told my friend but he didn't believe me, in the game.. there was a long hallway... i walked towards it and Supahmen111 joined again. I freaked out and my PC crashed and i started screaming i went into my friend's house for help."

'How did you tell your friend what happened? You were at your house, so how? Did you use your phone? Well, you didn't say you used your phone. Also, more grammatical mistakes... Your PC then crashed (CLICHE). Your PC crashed, and you got so scared that you ran out SCREAMING? Ok then.'

"Him: "Woah, Jack! what happened?"

Me: "I told you, but you didn't believe me."

Him: "I'm sorry."

Me: "I-It's Okay-"

He gets hit by a giant stick, the back of his head bleeds and the man who hit him was Supahmen111 he was wearing a clown mask.

Me: NOOO!

Supahmen111: Hehehe."

'I have to admit, your conversation with your friend was pretty realistic, but every other sentence wasn't so realistic. First of all, how did you know the murderer was Supahmen111? Did the ROBLOX character wear a clown mask? No, so how did you know that it was Supahmen111?'

"He tries to slash my head off with his katana, but i run and go to my house and lock the door."

'He JUST killed your friend with a so called "STICK" and now he's going after you with a "KATANA"? Why didn't he kill your friend with a katana in the first place? Also, more grammatical mistakes.'

"I uninstalled roblox, but then he broke in through my window and he was holding a chainsaw. He ripped open his clown mask and took it off, i ran into the basement, locking the door... he tried to burst through the door and i ran into a locker, he was looking for me but he was distracted by something else. He ran out of the house and i got out of the locker, and called 911 for help. when the Cops came they investigated the house and found a clown mask on the floor and blood. Supahmen was then arrested. THE END."

'Why did you uninstall ROBLOX? ''No seriously, why? A guy that killed your friend is trying to kill you, and you UNINSTALL ROBLOX instead of calling the cops or call for help? LATER you called the cops, and the murderer got arrested. Either way, the ending was rushed.'''

3/10