Talk:Abandoned long ago/@comment-28527909-20160527173751

You already know there's quite a few cliches, but something that bugged me a little was after reading the first two paragraphs. After finishing reading them, things started to get really cliche, and as I mentioned on a few other creepypastas people have made, it starts to sound like a 5 year old horror fan is telling the story. "I started throwing up my organs and soon I pass out and I wake up in my living room". This part also made me wonder, if you are outside of ROBLOX, how are you still alive after throwing up organs?

First half of the story was good, but you really need to rewrite most of the second half.

6/10