Talk:"Account deleted"/@comment-39442597-20200628221624

5.3/10

For the positive side, the story at the beginning provides itself with momentum and brings the reader in, along with it having enough structure to add to itself. Although this slowly decreases later on.

For the negative side however, the story has random plot points set in place and doesn’t really bring in a sense of a regular story, it’s also short and has several paragraph errors. There’s also a large amount of cliche’d events further in, which are too specific like the antagonist speaking Marathi and Irish, along with the name which is stereotypical by the way the story diverts.

Overall, the story is fine, it has a decent structure along with nearly perfect grammar, however the amount of traditional cliches render it mostly forgettable, which is further added to by the username of the antagonist. It also doesn’t make much sense, considering the use of languages, random lag, and also him playing RUST, even though it’s set 6 years before that game was released? My advice to the author is don’t add random plot points in an attempt to increase the story’s projection, and try to add paragraphs, also try to learn how to add more descriptive writing so it could draw the reader in more. Also try to emphasize the story’s motive and extend your sentences as if you were an actual writer, and don’t base it on the protagonist’s prior knowledge, and try to develop a deeper meaning.