Talk:Unreleased ROBLOX Prototype/@comment-RBlitzwolfer-20170506101903

Analysis:

Grammar: 10/10 (Good job on the grammar! Found no noticeable mistakes.)

Originality: 8/10 (Nice! The only thing cliche was the end, which was the protagonist speaking to the reader about never getting the cursed prototype as he slowly dies.)

Plot: 5/10 (Alright, first off: the first search came up no results, but the second search did. Why now? Secondly, what was the forum site? Thirdly, how come a forum site know about this stuff? Thirdly, how would you know about the video in the ROBLOX forums? It seems pretty rare to come across. Finally, I really hated it when it just jumped from explaining the lore to the protagonist dying.)

Empathy: 5/10 (Doesn't explain why he was searching the Deep Web, doesn't explain why he wanted to buy the prototype, didn't explain how he was feeling when "Test" came up on the prototype, which was a good opportunity to list the protagonist's emotions. The part when you searched up "Build-A-Block" again on the search engine and explaine the lore really lacked emotion for the protagonist, as it doesn't say how he reacted to this.)

Thrill: 6/10 (Good job at the beginning, you were in a nice start. However, that thrill slowly declined throughout the story because of the "explaining the lore" part and was disappointed at the end.)

FINAL SCORE: 6.8/10