Talk:1Mm0R74l1L17y/@comment-33695402-20200225092148

Emphasizer's Review

Grammar: 2/10

The grammar had an insufferable amount of errors, and I had to re-read a lot of the story to fully grasp what was going on. Several times, the story lost me with its bizareness and poor grammar. Here's an example.

"The next day I open Roblox and I noticed that I received a message so I expected it to be from my friend, when I went to check the message I saw that the message was from my friend but got another one from someone else, I saw that the subject was creepy and so is the message itself, the text was messed up and some were upside down."

This could've easily been restated to say, "I opened ROBLOX and noticed I had a message. Expecting it to be from my friend, I opened my inbox. It was in fact from my friend, but there was another message there too."

There. There's my correction. Only, do you see it still has a big problem with it? Because even though I fixed the grammar, the story you wrote was so poorly crafted and articulated that even when I do my best to correct it, it still has errors from your initial mishap. Because if he opened his inbox and had ONE message, then saw he had a message from both his friend and "immortality", then he would hav TWO messages, not one, so what you wrote makes no sense.

Example 2 of poor grammar:

"My friend told me he wanna message him a message to "scare him out" but when he sent the message he instantly received the message and he told me that it said, "This is just the beginning" and the message itself said exactly what he told me in-game!"

What? What does this mean? I can't tell you how many times I had to re-read this due to my lack of understanding, which was struck upon by the writer's poor storytelling + grammar skills. How this page recieved 58+ comments I will never understand, but my theory is that people only commented to leave bad reviews.

Story: 4/10

I'll give you a few points for faking the message with Immortality. (you obviously own the account)

I can't begin to tell you how cliche-filled and poorly structured this was. Especially the timeskip part, where they all of a sudden just "remember" immortality, so they go to his game, and immortality is just waiting there for him? That's rather convenient. He just happens to be there. Of course, while coincidence is real, this was obviously not coincidence, which is obvious due to the poor storytelling and structuring skills, as well as several other too convenient moments in the story.

Thrill: 4/10

Again, before I read this, I expected this to be one of those creepypastas which have been done a thousand times where the main character is messaged by the big creepy myth account. I wanted to see if the writer of this story would subvert any tropes (he didn't) or twist the usual stock story, but he didn't. All he did was write something I've read before. The plot is neither new or original, and I will not remember it. The story isn't memorable in the slightest.

Final score: 14/100

This story sure got quite popular. It seems nowadays that low effort pastas like this are the ones that become popular due to the main population of this community being little kids. Your story's popular because of plain dumb luck. This was poorly written, and it's quite unfortunate, as you could have written a compelling, interesting story about Immortality, but instead you opted out for a rushed, boring, repetetive, cliche-filled piece of juvenilia that obviously had no passion or love put into it.