Talk:You should not be here./@comment-39442597-20200609140316

8.9/10

On the positive side, the story has a good structure and manages to draw the reader in slightly by employing a series of events that lead to the character being traumatized, such as his PC going blank after visiting a mysterious user, and the font that adds to the effect of the antagonist.

On the negatives the story has cliches in it, such as the screen going glitchy, the antagonist’s font, and Cult Family members appearing.

Overall the story does manage to develop itself through the singular message “Don’t Be Afraid”, which contributes to it as a whole, and draws the reader in towards what’s next. The advice I can give to you in the next writing is to think of something surprising and scary at the same time, although I am not sure since it’s a work in progress. If this is your first pasta, it is decent, just don’t add too many myths or glitches into it, although I liked the emotion being put through as the text was in Bold at moments, and the question and exclamation marks put through the protagonists’ sense of dread, since their friend had found the game, and led them into something they didn’t expect. You did well, I’d just suggest reading other popular creepypastas to gain momentum. (If you can’t think of any scarier events)